Raise your hand if you are prepped and ready to read these words and think, “Great, another blog post about purity that tries to bury me in shame.” I fully admit that I have heard that frustration expressed enough times that I sometimes expect that too when I read articles about purity. That being said, I pray this experience is different. My intention is not to convince anyone of the value of purity by manipulating through guilt and shame. In fact, the strength of purity lessens when guilt and shame attempt to partner with it or are the foundation for it.
Have I lost you yet? Purity itself is a good thing. (Side note: purity is not limited to the arena of sex, nor is it something you no longer need at a certain age or season of life.) Purity’s bad rap is often times the result of explanations regarding it rather than the reality of it. It’s like you being handed a mirror, but in the process of the mirror being given to you, fingerprints have covered the surface and clouded the reflection. The ironic reality of discussions regarding purity are the smudges left from the imperfect people involved in the conversations. I include myself in that reality.
I am far from perfect. Trust me, I can give you a reference list of individuals who can affirm that. However, within that same list, many would acknowledge that purity has been a passion of mine. So my thoughts below are borne from walking the path for years, stumbling and getting back up, with the hope of discovering the blessings of traversing this journey and learning the value of purity. May my discoveries along the way be encouragements.
1. Purity is empowering. For several years I worked at a college campus. Many of those years included living within the dorms with the students. I saw the impact of many decisions play out during that time. I saw the relationships that were built on friendships and those whose foundations were physical. I saw the individuals whose physical, mental, and spiritual diets were filled with a variety of inputs and the outcomes they created. For instance, sugar and caffeine will at some point cause your body to shut down if those become the only sources of energy.
During this time, one thing I heard repeatedly about sexual purity was how the decision to sleep with someone was proof of the control that person had over his or her life. For some individuals, I knew the need for control came at the price of not having that ability to make that decision at some point in time earlier in life. Sexual abuse, sexual assault, and rape are just a few of the scenarios that I know drove some people to take control of their lives by choosing with whom they would have sex. I can only imagine how being told to remain pure, especially in a way that was presented in a domineering fashion and without the hope of Jesus with it, further deepened the feeling of a lack of control.
I have discovered that purity is empowering. The choice is present. I am just choosing the answer to be no one until I have the commitment level of marriage. By making that choice, I am also creating space to process hurts that need to be healed. I observed many students who tried to heal or cover up the hurts of the past through a variety of means: addictions, other relationships, bottling the emotions inside, or immersing themselves in something else to avoid processing the past. I recognize the times I have done this as well. By choosing purity, I am investing in my future self, which leads well into the next point.
2. Purity includes gratification. I thought the whole point of purity was denying yourself…what do you mean purity includes gratification? As unpopular as the term is in this day and age of Google Fiber and Siri, delayed gratification still exists. It is found in the aging process of foods, the growth of retirement accounts, the two-day wait for Amazon Prime packages to arrive, and in a variety of other ways. Some delays are short, while others may last far longer than expected. However, the value of what is coming makes the wait worthwhile. Purity is unto something and not just an exercise in self-control alone. Does choosing the purity route guarantee the gratification will be exactly as you expect? No. However, it saves a lot of heartache in the process.
Purity does require self-control, however, and sometimes the fruit of that decision does provide pretty quick gratification. For instance, I have not watched a horror movie in years. Why you may ask? Because I have a visual mind that captures pictures quite well. I can still pull to mind images from the last movie I watched. If I can do that after several years, I can only imagine what my dreams would be like the night after watching one. This is a choice I have made that results in the instant gratification of peace. Not everyone has a mind like mine and not everyone feels the need to do this, but I know I have benefited by removing this fear factor from my life.
Additionally, Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” While I have not physically seen the Lord, I have seen His fingerprints. The more I choose to follow Him and focus on His Word, I find I discover more and more of His activity around me. I am more attuned to what He is saying through His Word and through the people and circumstances around me. I love the moments where I realize I have seen the Lord in action. They are incredibly gratifying and encourage me to continue striving towards purity.
3. Purity requires strength. This third point is both a challenging one and an encouragement. Think of the athletes just starting out. Their skill and strength levels probably would not enable them to walk into a pro-athlete locker room and compete adequately. However, skills are learned and strength is grown. The same is true for purity.
Purity requires conscious choices and the willingness to carry them out. It takes strength to stand firm when pressures arise or the desire to settle begins to grow. The more often the choices are made, the more growth occurs. For me, I have to rely on the Lord to be my strength in the midst of making decisions about purity. He gives me the courage to say no, to acknowledge I’m going against the flow of mainstream culture, to believe that better is coming and/or I will benefit from never experiencing something. For the record, fear of missing out is a real thing, but it is okay to miss out on some things. Thus far in life, I have not regretted the things I have chosen to not experience.
4. Purity requires weakness. Um…? Yes, this is an odd statement after the previous point. However, this is one of the key components for me throughout my purity journey. I like to succeed. I like to do well. I do not like making mistakes and acknowledging them on top of making them requires so much humility. However, I have to admit that I am weak and cannot succeed on my own. I gave my life to Christ at an early age and believe that He died on the cross, came back to life, and in the process paid the debt for my sins. It is through my relationship with Him that I have discovered my value and have been given the freedom to live life guilt free. This does not mean I never fail. Quite the opposite. It means that when I fail, I know Who to go to for a clean slate.
Purity is incredibly hard to live out if you constantly feel dirty, broken, hopeless, or forgotten. No one is perfect, and yet, with Jesus, no one is too far gone. I take my weaknesses, my shortcomings, my failures to Him and ask to be made clean. He is faithful and just. He lovingly removes my sin, and we begin again. Shame is not part of the equation with Jesus.Even if you feel you are past the point of redemption, with God a new beginning is always an option.
I’m smiling as I reflect on my journey and ponder the times I made these discoveries. How thankful I am that I did. Purity is not for the faint of heart and is an adventure that may seem daunting. However, for any who feel the draw to experience it, Godspeed to you and blessings for the journey.
Bee Musings 